i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
