I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
