I need to stop coming to work sober
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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