That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
