my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
