I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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