Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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