Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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