My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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