So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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