Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
