we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I just sharted jello shots
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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