Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
