I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
