YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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