I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
