I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
