I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize