I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
