I can tuck mytits in my pants
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
