if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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