In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
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He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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