I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My bed smells like the plague
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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