had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
