FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
me + whiskey = a bad person
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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