Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want nice things and good sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
