we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
