Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
