my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
