i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
