...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
