at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
