well I can't set my house on fire every night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
