Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
