cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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