I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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