I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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