I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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