Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
