everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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