"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
