1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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