My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
