I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
