I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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