I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
