I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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