This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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