Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am naked and annoyed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
