I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
