I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
