That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
