we have officially lost it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
