If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
