if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
