Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
