i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
