how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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