ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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