i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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