I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
