I hate your face
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
