I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
