she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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