Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
