? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
