I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
