my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
