im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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