I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
