we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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