The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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