It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
