In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
